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we are very fragile people... We build walls and put up fences in our lives sometimes even unconsciously. we all have be hurt by those we once trusted... making it more difficult to trust again... almost bring you to the point of deciding to go into seclusion. I totally hear what you are saying, Adam...it is way easier to keep people at a distance building shallow and uneffective relationships. I think we have this innate need to connect with others. The relationships people have with others in thier lives... Daughters with mothers... Sons with Mothers... Fathers with Daughters and sons with fathers.. then dealing with authority figures in our lives to peers who are all just trying to maintain. I was recently hurt very badly by a close relative of mine... I love this person very much... and yet I cannot bring my self to put my self out there again to get hurt. this is the second time that I havent talked to this person... They said horrible things because they were in pain and dealing with the death of my father... I forgive them but I just don't know if I am willing to put myself out there to get hurt again. i miss this person terribly and it makes me sad... It has been about 7 months since I spoke with them but i really dont want to break any more... i don't know if the super glue will hold somthing that has been broken several times


You really nail the core of Christian ministry with this Adam. To go to a world that will surely throw its stones at you and peacefully administer love is about the scariest fucking thing I can think of. This post was really courageous.


I hear you.
I'm scared shitless too.
Giving is an exausting endeavor when you seem to be the only one capable or willing to do it. Where do ministers and other givers go to get?
Sometimes I feel like that little kid on the playground who's pushing the merry-go-round around while everyone else scrambles aboard for a ride. I really just want to stop and start demanding, "my turn. my turn!" in that pesky, childish tone that might eventually be heard.

Scott Jones

I really liked this:

"Most of us don’t need someone coming to us pointing out our shortfalls and reminding us that we aren’t perfect. Most people are well aware of their virtuous short-comings and don’t need them paraded in front our faces as a reminder."

People have to EARN the right to comment critically, meaning it has to come from a person I trust and love. Even then I might get angry, but will probably come down from that anger if I love the person.


i love it when you talk like this, adam.

like cheek said, i think this is the heart of the gospel. how hard is it to love and be loved in this way? it's take-up-your-cross-and-follow-me hard.

We all need people who believe that we can change and things can be different.

i know i do, if for no other reason than i often have trouble believing this myself.

thanks for writing this.


It has been said that if the Church were truly acting as the Church should, then we (psychologists) wouldn't have jobs. This is so true. Just this week, I can think that at the true center of all the problems people bring to me, it's a lack of authentic relationships that pains them so.

The power and privelege of people (clients) paying me to lead them to their own emerging edge is a daily powerful testimony to me. I sit with tears rolling down the faces of people who may not have cried for years, and with others who can only cry.

The thing is, it seems to me that our constant avoidance of authentic relationship is what kills us. When we push past our fear and actually expose our bellies, and someone kisses it instead of punching it, we are shocked, scared, and comforted all at once.


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