Awake or Asleep.

There is no rest for me.  During the day I am anxious.  About what I do not know but I am so very anxious.  I'm worried about my life and worried that this sadness might never leave me. 

During the night I have nightmares.  Not the kind where monsters chase you but the ones where your fears come true.  The ones where relationships that are on the edge fall apart.  People you want to love you cause you harm.  These are the worst ones.  But there are others that aren't as bad but that are frightening.  You are always in places you don't want to be and there is never any rest.  I wake up crying or shaking or sweating from these dreams and there is no rest for me. 

There is no rest all day long.  I cannot remember the last time I woke up and felt ready to face the day.  Just living feels like a chore.  I don't even know what I need anymore.  I don't know what is best for me.  I feel so very lonely.  I want to cry but I can't.  I want to rest, but there is no rest for me.