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Today has left me so numb. I can't feel anything tonight. It's something like sadness or loneliness but more like hitting the ground after falling down the steps. Your just shocked and numb. You are alive, but you don't feel anything your world just came down on you and you hit every step on the way down. You know that it will hurt later and you will need time to heel and you will need someone to help you. But now you are numb. Now you are empty. Now, right now, you want your world to stop turning around. I am tired tonight. I am physically tired. I am also tired of uncontrollably putting myself on the line in places that I am not wanted or understood. It is like an addiction and like addictions, it has left me numb.

"I don't know what to do with you". She says. How profound of you. How profound of you to be able to speak my plight so succinctly, so matter-of-factly. But it is okay that you do not know what to do with me. I am misplaced. I am a wonderer. I am the beautiful puzzle piece that is cut exactly the wrong way to fit into the puzzle. So I am laid to the side. Not discarded as much as forgotten.

I do not remember where it was that i felt at home. Why can't I remember that? It is something so basic, so fundamental. Where was I? Who was there? Why did I ever leave? Perhaps I made it up. Perhaps there was no time or place where I was home. Maybe only a feeling I get like it is inevitable and absolute and etched in our souls so deeply that we cannot escape it till we find it. Another life, another time maybe

I will not be folded up pretty and placed in your box. I will break free from your shackles. I will set myself free. I am captive to no one and nothing. Why must you figure out what to do with me? Why do I need to fit? Can't I just be beautiful and true? I cannot be managed or manipulated for long. I am a rebel. I am William Wallace. I am V. I am Tyler Durden and I am Jesus. Do not take this away from me. Do not cast me aside because you cannot figure me out. I will be here. I will not run from you. Do not forget me, or you will awake and look for me and I will be gone. You will not find me. I will be misplaced from you always.