The Pub

My "Friend"

This word has been a point of contention in my mind recently. I am a firm believer that we are lucky indeed if we find more than one person in this world that we can call friend, in the deepest since of the word friend. This kind of friend would lay down in front of a car for you. This kind of friend would stick by your side and defend you even if you are wrong. This kind of friend fights it out with you and calls you the next day because you are like family and neither of you would let a fight break that apart. This kind of friend can walk into your house without asking and will always answer your call. This kind of friend would never cast you aside when they met a girl, even a girl they were crazy about. This kind of friend is so very rare. 

 As I live my life I have come across many faux friends that would like you to think that they have these characteristics, but the truth is that there is always something more important to them and if that thing comes along then you will become nothing more than a name to them. They may even be there for you on the big stuff. But they could care less about the small things, the things that bind you to each other. 

 But the vast majority of people aren’t even this decent. The vast majority of people that I have encountered don’t have the slightest idea of what common sense is. They don’t understand that relationship takes work and effort from both people and that you can’t just call someone a friend because you know there name and spent time together once. If that is what friendship is then you can keep every fucking piece of it! I don’t need superficial sentiment and insincere greetings. I have taken too much of it recently and I won’t be around it anymore. I am done with all of you who would be a friend like this. 

 I have come to find that I value loyalty more than most anything else in this world. I have also come to realize that finding it is rare, and is something to be treasured. I hope all of you are so blessed as to find it here, in this world. 

"That" feeling

You know that feeling?  The one that makes you think that everything in your life is falling apart when there is really no discernable thing wrong.  It comes from nowhere and sometimes returns as quickly as it came and sometimes it stays for weeks and makes everyone around you concerned.  "Are you okay?" "Is there something wrong?"  "You seem so down lately?"  and you really feel that way but its embarassing because the only excuse you can give is, "because".  Well, if you can't tell the last few posts have been a result of this feeling and I still can't seem to shake it.  But there is always light at the end of the tunnel and I have some great people that are there for me when I need them and it makes me hopeful.  Perhaps I even feel a little hopeful today. 

Holy S@#*!!!!!

I spent the last two hours filling out a personality profile on eharmony.  I finally finished and sat in anticipation of the matches and potential "soul mates" that awaited me.  Then, to my dismay, I was told that based on my answers they were unable to match me with anyone.  Not just that they were unable to now but that they couldn't ever help me!  That is definitely the most depressing thing I've heard all day.  I should probably blow this off and I probably will tomorrow as a new day arises.  But right now it strikes me as a sad reminder that my life and the word 'harmony' cannot yet coexist in my world.  Oh well, the sun will rise and I will make it through another day tomorrow.  Though I am getting a little sick of always looking forward to tomorrow. 

Where am I?

It is rainy here tonight.  I have spent to much time in the sun and I am tired.  But worst of all, I am alone tonight.  I hate this feeling.  I am all too familiar with it and I hate our friendship.  It is a darkness, an emptiness that I would do anything to shed.  It is a cloak, a wall that separates me from the land of the living.  How do I cross over?  Where am I?  Who will find me?  Who am I?  There are times when I want to be by myself.  But loneliness is an evil that is as wise as the ages and am I convinced that it must be overcome if we are to feel alive.  Soon, I hope, I will be part of the land of the living.  Because now I feel like a shadow.  A mere passing event of little significance.  Soon.  Maybe soon. 

Vision

I have seen you

I can't know for sure when, or where.  But I know that I have seen you. 

I saw you again today.  It brought me back to all that I can remember about you. 

You were untouchable to me then.  You were the King's throne to a peasant.  Beautiful and distant. 

But we wrote all the same.  It gave me hope.  I remember more everyday.

It made me smile.  In a time when there were few to be had, you made me smile. 

I could not have sought you then.  I was timid and you were... out of reach in my mind. 

But now I have seen you again.  I have smiled again.  I am older and more confident now.

But you still intimidate me.  I am afraid to touch you or make the slightest mistake in you presence

You make me feel so confident, so comfortable in my own skin.  You are lovely and divine. 

I have seen you.  May I say see you again.