To Breathe Again

I noticed yesterday that everything I do I do desparately.  I drive like the end of the world depends on it.  I eat, most of the time, like I'm starving and someone is going to take it from me.  When I hang out with my friends I I want the world to move and am disappointed if it does not.  When I kiss I want to hold on forever, afraid that a moment like that will never come again.  I rush from place to place and my mind is always a mile ahead of where I am. 

I feel like I was just born yesterday and today I've lived a third of my life.  I've been so concerned with making things happen that I don't stop to love and savor the things that are happening.  I will be old one day and will look back and wonder where it all went. 

I suppose I think that one day, one moment, one event will change my world around and the whirlwind will stop and only beauty will be left.  I have, perhaps, read too many books or seen too many movies.  Maybe today should be that day.  Maybe I should seize opportunity as it comes but love my life now.  Live my life now.  Let my soul be filled by the world around me.  Maybe then this feeling of loneliness and alienation from this life will pass.  Perhaps then I will learn to breathe again.

Comments

[Laura]

I like you. When you get old and you look back, your life won't be laid out like a road map. It'll look more like a picture album. It'll be snapshots of hiking in New Mexico, sitting on the patio talking about philosophy, riding motorcycles in Vietnam (maybe that last one will be a more graphic snapshot than most), standing up next to one of your best friends on his wedding day. And it'll be snapshots of the people you've shared community with. You write your life story on others (like the short story you told me about that's single words tattooed on thousands of people). You share life with others so that they can tell your life story back to you. I guess it's the reason why people want to die at the exact same time (thank you?) so they don't outlive one another. You want your stories to match. So sometime when you want to relive the last six years of your life (the good the bad and the ugly), you know who to call. Of course I'm your flaky friend so...