Today is Christmas Eve. The day before the day Jesus wasn't actually born. But we celebrate it on this day anyway for reasons that I find to be telling of the integrity of popular Christianity. However, Christmas Eve is still in parts of my mind a day that should be filled with hope for Jesus is coming. The one who would show us a different way. An alternative to the madness and insanity that surround us. Yet I see little of it around me. The Christmas season is to me a reminder of all things terrible about us. A reminder that my own life is broken and that I am lonely. Loneliness feels like such a disease. The Holidays remind me that I am alone and this is the real reason why I hate the holidays.