The Pub

The Shoplifting Phenomenon

I recently got a part time job working loss prevention at Dillards department store.  I run the security cameras and catch people shoplifting then I radio to an off-duty police officer who is carrying a nine-millimeter on their hip to go and stop them. 

It is kind of an interesting job in that you really find out what sort of racist tendencies you have.  I continually ask myself, "Am I watching this person because they are black?  Or Hispanic? or do they really look suspicious?"  I hate racism.  I hate it when I find out that I have racist tendencies and though I'm sure there will be some African Americans and Hispanic Americans that will perpetuate the criminal stereotype, this job will prove to actually aid in destroying some of my racist tendencies. 

The majority of our theft comes from white females between the ages of 13-23.  Every person that I've watched steal thus far has been white females.  Every African American that I've watched has been completely legit and you would be surprised at how few Hispanic Americans actually shop at Dillards.  Evidently it is pretty expensive and Hispanics have enough sense not to pay for this over priced ego trip.  Although it makes me sad to be white when stuff like that happens, it makes me sort of happy that white people are the culprits the majority of the time.

On a funny note.  We did catch a 77 year old woman stealing panty hose, and a seven year old stealing jewelry.  (both white)  Look people, when your grandma gets to be 77, do me a favor and make sure she has enough money to buy panty hose because its a rather sad thing to press petty larceny charges on woman that old.  On the up side, she probably won't be applying to any jobs any time soon. Maybe Wal-Mart, but they take anybody, as long as your willing to take a financial one up the ass from time to time. 

So Kudos to everyone that isn't white today.  You make me proud.  And all of you white people, you disgust me! 

p.s. I'm white.

Careless.

Apathy.  What an odd phenomenon.  That in the course of a few days and a few events mental states can change to that of not caring about things that used to mean the world to you.  Kind of sad really.

Theology, ethics, church, are all things that I used to be extremely anxious and willing to discuss and all of the sudden.  I don't care.  Not that I don't care about those things but the whole conversation is kind of boring to me now.  Little surprises me anymore.  When I was first coming out of my fundamentalism days I ate up every bit of conversation I could get and would stay up nights worrying about metaphysical problems.  But the novelty has worn off.  Nothing really shocks me into concern anymore enough to talk about it.

I realized this when I was trying to think of a post to write about.  I wanted to say something really conversation worthy about something conversation worthy and I kept drawing blanks.  Then realized I just didn't care enough to write about it. 

Lots of things used to work me up.  Whether is was Bush showing what a dick he can be.  The Fanaticism of the Fundamentalist Right.  Perhaps even a good squabble over substitutionary atonement might peak my interest.  But not today, not lately.  It all just seems like old news.  "There is nothing new under the sun" as a wise guy once put it. 

Perhaps I am still recovering from the last few weeks and shouldn't worry about it.  Perhaps my theological fizz is fading and being replaced by other concerns.  Perhaps my philosophical muscles are starting to atrophy from lack of use and just need a good book to jump start them or something.  But none-the-less, it was weird for me to sit down to write about it and realize, "I just don't care right now".  Huh.  Kind of blind sided me really. 

Don't worry, I'm not gonna stop writing.  I know I'm so damn good at it that people flock here in droves to be captivated and I wouldn't want to disappoint them.  Or maybe I just like looking at what I write.  Either way, I've usually got something to say, and you people respond well to me, usually, so I'll continue to write about something.  Even if I have to make up something absurd.

Cheers.

Two Bad Hamstrings Later. . .

So I'm finished!  I passed my testing!  I'm glad to be done with it and as I told a new friend, I thought I would be more excited about it.  Don't get me wrong!  I'm glad to be done with it and have successfully completed it but I am so damn tired that I don't think excitement is ready to register as mental state yet.  I've pulled both of my hamstrings, bruised my shoulder, got a cold, and am suffering from an intense headache.  That is what happens when you spent several weeks punishing yourself trying to get ready for a big opportunity.  I'm sure the reality of it all will set in soon and I'll be more excited.

Thanks to everyone who sent me their encouraging words and thoughts.  I am grateful for them.

I still have to go through the oral interview and pass the pension board physical.  The interview will be no big deal.  I am a little worried about the physical because they could deny you for all kinds of reasons and if they deny you then you are out, for good.  I think I'm okay but you never know. 

But the hard part is over.  Whenever my brain isn't busy sending so many messages to the rest of my body in an effort to heal itself I will post something normal.  Peace.

The Big Test!

Well, ladies and gentlemen.  This friday is the big day for me.  Its the most important day yet for me becoming a fire fighter and making the ladies get all hot and bothered.  If I pass this test then I have only to pass the pension board physical and I'm in. 

The written exam is on Friday night and the physical agility test is on Sat.  The test is going to be pretty difficult on saturday so I will be spending the next couple of days really preparing for it.  So that means no posts until late Sat. or Sun.  If you pray, do that.  If not, then send me some good vibes this way or something.  There are several stations on the test that are very tricky and you can't screw up even one time or you have to wait another year for the test.  I will let you know how it goes.  Be Well All!

The Games We Play

Upon request of Meg, Nicole, and Rose from my last post I'm am going to make a wretched attempt at explaining the "Game" I think girls are playing.

To be fair, I think it is true that males play just as many games as females.  But as has been the custom for generations, it is just easier to blame girls for things. 

I read a recent poll from somewhere I can't recall that said something like, "Girls would rather be with a guy because of his status than because he is faithful".  I know that this is not universally true but I think that girls and guys both do this to each other without thinking about it. 

I frequent the bar scene a little more often than I would like, because frankly, there's not really a whole lot else to do.  I don't really even like bars that much for the sole reason that it seems to be a place where this "Game" is being played, a lot.  Girls walk in with their group of friends.  They are wearing their trendy outfits that usually show much more of their bodies than I care to see.  Then they will sit around and laugh and gossip until the waiter comes by to take their order.  If the waiter is "cute" they will flirt with him, if not, they won't really even give him the courtesy of looking him in the eyes.  After getting their drinks they wait, until there good looking male friends show up or until some other guy(s) comes over to buy them a drink or have a conversation that has to be initiated by some breathe taking pick-up line.  But not just any guy gets to walk over to the table.  If you are wearing a tee-shirt and jeans on a Friday-or Saturday night then you can expect to get blown off unless you are Brad "The only man I would go gay for" Pitt.  You've got to have the right clothes for the right occasion.  Trendy expensive shirts with no undershirt and large muscular build is preferred in most situations.  You've also got to be able to flash around your status often.  But it can't be blatant.  You can't just waive your money around in front of peoples faces.  You've got to offer to buy everyone at the table a drink.  Then later you can make up some lie about how you work for some law firm, or other attractive job.  So now they think you have the money and you've proved it by buying the drinks.  When and if you get to leave after a night of being totally charming and showing how much you have over every other man on the planet, you can't leave in a 88' Geo.  You've got to have decent wheelsv(car) that portrays your status, and a nice pad (dwelling place) to go along with the decent wheels. 

Granted most of these girls have brains the size of a pea, 2-3 std's and couldn't hold a conversation with you about anything other shopping and how they are going to be accounting/business majors in college. 

But that is all for the superficial "I went to college to join a frat/sorority and drink myself into rehab, then depend on my parents to bail me out and let me coast on their accomplishments the rest of my life"  But there are other games going as well. 

Like, Why do guys have to make the first move?  Huh?  Some guys aren't built like that (this is not a self-referential statement) and anyone who buys into that is simply sexist.  If your a girl, and you think someone is cute/interesting/whatever and would like to hang out with him, then ask him out.  Why are guys expected to know what girls are thinking?  Why not just be honest.  If your mad or disinterested, then freaking say something.  If we go out on a date and you had a good time, say so, if not, say that as well.  Better to live with the truth then have to second guess and question ourselves later.  Plus, what does it take for you to give us a chance?  What do we need to say/do or how do we need to act?  A friend not to long ago was giving me advice on how to handle a situation with this girl and everything he said (and does for that matter) was to make the girl think that I wasn't interested but still pay just enough attention to her to keep her interested.  Do girls like that?  Does making ourselves seem untouchable make you want us more?  I know guys that operate like that but I think it is really dishonest and dis-ingenuous

Also, the day after is also very strange for us as well.  I don't just mean the day after sex, I mean the day after a date, the day after you get asked out, the day after any sort of "more than usual" interaction.  How much do you say?  Is it better to not call for a few days to not sound too anxious?  How much is too much? 

Alright that is far too much and maybe I'll make more sense of it later but that is all I can think of right now.  It's not a very coherent look at the "Game" but I've only recently decided that I need to seriously consider playing this game.  So I'm trying to figure it out.  What do girls expect/want/hope for/ watch for? 

Alright ladies, your up?

Small thoughts

I don't have much to say today.  The inspiring moments of my life haven't really included the last couple of days.  I was up all night sneezing and blowing my nose because apparently inhaling half of the yard you just mowed is a bad idea when you have allergies.

Perhaps it has been the unusual amount of alcohol that I have consumed the last few days (I tend to get depressed when I've been drinking more than normal)  or perhaps I'm still discontented with where I am at in life (even though things have been looking up recently) but I have found it to be incredibly sad to observe the world around me.  I'm not so sure anyone I've been around recently (last couple of days) is genuinely happy.  They do what they can to enjoy their time but they aren't really happy.  Not sure what it is.  Not sure why relationships are so damn complicated.  Not sure why people aren't more honest with each other.  Not sure I want to play whatever this "game" is that I've recently been told girls play.  (Of course this came from 2 males that usually only think with their Penises.  But I've been told this from girls a time or two in the past).  Not sure how to win/lose, how to play, what the teams are, and why this "game" has been substituted for real relational interaction.  Not sure why people are so ruthless and hurtful to each other, even the people they care about. 

My brain is in slow motion today.  I can't get a good coherent thought to come out to save my life.  I haven't posted in a couple of days, so I wanted to get something up.  I will do my best to share something a bit more lucid soon. 

Burning Bridges

So good news, at least mostly good.  I was offered a security position at a department store today.  I'm very excited about this opportunity.  It is more money, less hours which equals more free time and a much more exciting work environment.  They wanted me to stick around and do some paper work and show me around the building so I called my other employer and quit my job there. 

My other job was Data entry at a 700 Million dollar company.  But I was actually employed by a temp agency so it was kind of like quiting two jobs at once.  Needless to say the temp agency was not happy that I up and quit on them. 

Initially I didn't really care because the job was extremely boring.  I'm talking "I would rather give myself a spinal tap than do this" boring.  So I wanted to walk up to the boss and say, "You know you hate this job, and if you had a chance to leave you would.  Well, I do.  So Peace!  I'm OUT!"  I didn't do that because I don't have the guts, but it sounded good. 

Well I'm glad I'm not working there anymore and I'm definitely glad to have this new job.  But my conscience is getting to me a little now.  When I quit on them I though of it as sticking it to a company that really doesn't care about me anyway.  But now I'm starting to realize that there were real people that are going to be short handed and could possibly get in trouble for my antics.  Plus I don't like making people upset at me unless I have a good reason to.  Wanting to quit a life-draining job probably wasn't a good reason especially when there were steps I could have taken to make a peaceful departure.  I definitely should have though it through a bit more before I "Stuck it to da Man".

My dad always tells me not to burn bridges.  Well, I burned that motherfucker down.  Ooops.

No Fear in Love

A movie is coming out soon.  A movie that, as things stand, is the only movie I've ever anticipated with both a sense of fear and hopeful anticipation.  Even the previews to the film cut me deeply.  You can check it out here.

One of my favorite actors of all time, Don Cheadle, says these lines in the preview,

"It's the sense of touch.  I think we miss that sense of touch so much that we crash into each other just to feel something".

I think that he is right.  I think we are afraid of each other.  Just like all other things that are divine and  teeter on the edge of destruction at the same time that it makes one free, it has been used to hurt.  So we avoid life so that we do not run the risk of destroying it.  But life dies when it sits in the shadows for too long.   

Sometimes Art beckons us back to the land of the living.  It screams at us and digs at us like a defibrillator for the soul.  "Wake Up! Come Alive! Life Is Upon You!"  It calls us to reach reach out and drink from the mysterious fountain that lies behind and beneath all good art.   

But I think that we have failed each other.  That those of us with ears to hear have not listened.  God has spoken and we have become deaf to her voice because we are okay with wallowing in our fear and are too numb to know the difference.  We shake hands instead of embracing.  We sit across the room instead of next to each other.  We have our personal space and we don't want anyone inside it and we will keep others out at almost any cost, and we won't go near other people's space.  We can't live together anymore we must live across from each other instead.  Only a few feet from life and yet they might as well be an eternity away.

Friendships have all turned into casual acquaintances because we are terrified to get close to each other.  No hugs, no tears, only good times and back biting.  A punch in the shoulder or a insincere compliment meant to take the place of genuine human intimacy.  To the point that no one knows us and we don't know them.  We are safe, and dying.

I know why lovers are so happy.  Every touch, every look, every kiss a moment incandescent glorious unity that could never be bought, sold, or faked, only shared.  The joy of knowing there is no space between you and that you are free to be together, to share one another.  The dalliance of two lovers calling to each other, letting them know that they are favorable and invited.  I think that in the moment when lovers embrace this way that the purpose of Art has been fulfilled, indeed, all of heaven rejoices and our God, whatever her way is, smiles upon us. 

I remember times like that.  They are distant in my memory and I hold them close until love overcomes fear in and around me again. 

I heard once that there is no fear in love, and I believe that everywhere that love exists people are alive. 

But how many obstacles have we built to keep us away from each other.  The rich buy large houses with rooms nobody lives in.  Big yards that tell the world around us that we don't want them close to us.  If we can't get away from people then we will assert ourselves enough to let people know that they are not welcome here.  Violence, power, money, anger, shame, televisions, corporations, institutions, buildings, cell phones, expensive cars, are all our ardent attempts to keep each other a distance where they are containable, controllable, and are no longer a threat to us.

What will it take for us to overcome the distance?  So that we no longer have to crash into each other, just to feel something.

Strange encounters of the Gym kind.

Alright, I had to tell everyone about this.  I can't freakin believe this happened to me. 

I had just finished working out at the gym and was sitting in the sauna with a couple of other people and this guy comes in and sits down next to me.  There wasn't a whole lot of room so I didn't think anything about it.  After a few minutes he gets up and leaves and then a couple of minutes after that I decided I had sweat enough so I went to step in the shower.  Now there are a couple of rules whenever you shower in a community setting.  1)No peeing in the shower.  Nobody wants your piss washing over their feet.  2)You shower quickly, no lingering around unless your running hot water over a sore shoulder or something.  3)Except for the unintentional glance from time to time you don't watch other people shower, and 4)ABSOLUTELY NO HOMO-EROTIC BEHAVIOR OR ERECTIONS EVER!  That's not a stab at gay people, if it were co-ed I would say no erotic behavior but since only males shower together at this gym, well, you get it. 

So I step into the shower, no big deal, done it several times before and everything was fine.  There was this guy that was sitting next to me in the sauna still showering.  So he already broke rule #2.  When I walk in he says "hi".  There isn't a rule against this but one naked man saying hi to another naked man is a little bit weird.  I turn the shower on and step under the water and out of the corner of my eye I notice the guy is staring at me.  I turn my head a little further to make sure I wasn't mistaking a blank stare with a personal stare and sure enough he was staring directly at me.  I turn back around and continue washing, a few seconds later I turn around again and the guy is still staring at me and this time he is staring while he is washing himself!  Rules 3 and 4 are shot to shit at this point.  I'm beginning to feel really awkward so I keep my back turned to him hoping I don't get a penis up the ass why I'm not looking and about a minute later when I'm about finished I turn to see that this guy is sporting a full fledged erection and still staring at me.  I turn around quickly thinking to myself, "I can't fucking belive this is happening to me".  I'm hoping someone else would walk in so I didn't feel so isolated but, of course, no one did and as I'm finishing my final rinse I hear him say something,  "What?" I said.  He says it again, still can't hear him, "I can't hear you dude".  So he says it really loud this time, "I CAN SEE YOUR WEENKIE.  IT ALRIGHT".   Ummmmm, WHAT THE FUCK!  Am I dreaming.  I turned the water off and as quickly as I could without running grabbed my towl and moved out into the locker room area.  Ran into some friends, told them about it, got dressed, started to leave and saw the guy in front of the mirrors still staring at me as I walked out. 

I'm over the shock of the whole thing but what I can't figure now is if he was saying that my "weenkie" was just alright, or that it was alright that he could see it.  Both are horribly wrong and violate every community bathing rule I listed except pissing and probably some I don't know about.  Perhaps I'll just shower at home next time.

Random Friday Episode #2

I really like this Random Friday idea because by the end the week I'm fresh out of ideas and it takes a little bit for the ideas to pour back into my head.

If you haven't seen Sin City you should.  The cinematography is phenomenal and the acting was great as well.  I don't recommend taking your kids to see it because there is a HUGE amount of comic-book like violence that could be much more disturbing on film than in a comic book.  That with a couple of naked women makes for an easy R-rating.  But if your not a self-righteous prick, you should enjoy it.  (I loves me some false-dichotomies)

I had a mint cosmopolitan yesterday.  I pretended to like it because I didn't want to admit that I made a bad choice, but in all honesty it was the nastiest drink I've ever had. This is saying alot from a guy who used to drink Natty Lite to get drunk (high school) and who has partaken of a bit of moonshine as well.  So stay away from the Mint Cosmo.  I'm serious, you'll regret it.

I've been listening to some new music recently and I'm really enjoying it.  I'm terrible at music reviews so I will just give you names.  Damien Rice "O" is fantastic, thanks the the McCarty's for that suggestion.  Sage Francis is my new favorite Hip-Hop artist, the man can put together some crazy rhymes and its nice to hear some hip-hop with content and not just Candy Shops or Magic Sticks.  I'm about sick of new ways of rhyming about drugs, misogyny, lechery and money.  Thanks for Kevin over at Wasp Jerky for the suggestion.  He also has mp3 blog here.  Also Jack Johnsons "Brushfire Fairytales" was given to me by a co-worker, great tunes, great lyrics, if your into thoughtful acoustic I would definitely suggest this guy.  I know what your thinking, "Everyone knows about those people (except for Sage who?)".  Well I didn't, so stick it!

A new job may be heading my way until I can get on at the fire dept.  Keep me in mind if you have a magical reality manipulator.  I really would like to not be in this suicidal cubicle anymore.

Oh, this is good, I got back from lunch the other day and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth at the office building and when I walked in I saw some little black bugs on the floor, several actually.  When I turned the corner there were THOUSANDS of them all of the bathroom covering the urinals and the toilets, sinks, mirrors, stalls.  I thought I was having an hallucinogenic episode, but I checked again and confirmed with others and I was right.  Termites had found there way out and were swarming the Men's room.  SICK!  I tried to use it today after they fixed the problem but felt all itchy and couldn't stay in there long. 

That's all for this Friday.  Have a good weekend folks, love you all. (except for the ones I don't)